La Vida - CTG Reunion Dinner - Charmaine's big day

Went to La Vida on Friday night.

Saw a lot of people dressed up for Halloween.

Saw Mario, Bruce Lee, zoombie and etc.

But did not really manage to enjoy the atmosphere there.

Sorry Jel, should not drag you there. 

Make you guys quarrel. Felt damn bad.

Sorry! :( 

The next day, another 'random' day.

Decided to go to the CTG's reunion dinner.

And the next day, Charmaine's birthday!

Went to buy her present but failed to. Shop closed after we walk out to Typo to get her birthday card.

Had dinner at a korean bbq restaurant. Then 'randomness' came again. Went to karaoke till 3 and walked back home. It's 5a.m now and I'm still widely awake, writing this post.

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Two unexpected things happened.

After the CTG's reunion dinner, went to Joomak.

Was charging my phone at another table, and the Korean guy, the one which I took photo with during my birthday celebration, TALKED TO ME!

Was quite shocked.

He is so friendly! :)

Next. Went home around 3 plus in the morning if I'm not wrong and slept around 5.30a.m.

And guess what!

I dreamt bout TOP!

For the whole day, I was thinking bout the dream.

I guess I'm going crazy. :(

5.09a.m now. Really need to get some sleep.

Having a simple lunch with Khai Ean, our publicity manager tomorrow as it is her birthday.

*Noticed that many people's birthday falls on October including me. :)

外婆

外婆去世了.

接到電話的時候, 心, 冷了一半.
抱歉, 不能參與你的喪禮.

流了一整天的淚.
做不了什麼, 覺得好無助.
謝謝你給過的美好. 

以前小時候, 煮飯給我們吃. 教會我朗誦潮州詩. 我沖涼的時候靜靜坐在我床上等我, 陪我. 很有耐心地等我們幫你沖涼. 晚飯後牽著你的手散步. 牽著你的手上樓梯等等, 等等..
不知道為什麼, 從以前就有一種感覺告訴我, 你不會離開我的.

但其實, 那個想法真的很愚蠢.

對我來說, 就算做足了心理準備, 還是接受不了.

外婆, 我愛你.

每天起床都會問我自己, 你真的走了?
但這個答案, 永遠都不會改變.

是, 你走了....

還記得你身上的味道, 吻你額頭的感覺, 牽著你手的感覺, 抱著你的感覺....

像是昨日才發生的事情..

想你了, 外婆. 

20th Birthday.

Oh gosh. I'm 20.
Time to grow up.

No more childish act!! :(

Home made cake baked by lovely friends!
Thanks!! *hugs*

Liteng, Charmaine, Jelicia, Green & Jia!

Thanks for everything! Seriously.

Celebrated my birthday in Joomak.

Had a wonderful time with you guys!

Thanks for the surprise party and present and everything! :)

Thanks for remembering the flavour of the cake that I missed!

Delicious and touched!

Crazy night. :)

Missed my family much. :(
Well, first birthday without them by my side.

Hmm...

Miss Rainbow and Gaga too.
Last year........ Memorable year. :)

Miss you guys much! :(

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曾經不覺得世界有多複雜..
但如今, 領悟了好多東西.
人心叵測.
單純的友誼, 是否還存在.
但願一切不是我想像中的糟糕.

不喜歡句句帶刺的話語.
很令人反感.
掛在臉上的笑容, 連我自己都覺得好虛假.
好想快點投回家人的懷抱裡.

就算哭著, 痛了, 累了, 我還是會硬著頭皮熬過去.
沒有人規定路一定要笑著走完.

有時候我會在想, 是不是自己太自私了.
為了自己的夢想, 不顧他人的感受.
結果傷人又傷己.

想家了

想家了. 一年三個月沒得回家.
有家歸不得的感受真的.. 很難受.

聽著朋友們興奮地談論著購買回家的機票, 哪個航空什麼的, 回去要吃什麼去哪裡, 好無奈.

家, 好像很遙不可及的感覺.
在這段時間裡會發生什麼事, 誰也說不定.
但我知道, 我將會失去一些什麼...
外婆, 我愛你. 真的. 愛你..

當我開玩笑問媽媽我偷偷回去馬來西亞, 你來找我好嗎的時候,
媽媽很愧疚地一直向我說抱歉.
媽, 做錯事的人是我, 不是你, 不要對我說對不起好嗎?
該說對不起的人是我.
是我不對. 該死的我不對.
對不起... 真的對不起.
你沒有連累我. 是我害了我自己.
害我自己有家歸不得似的.
該死的我. 真的. 該死的我.

我想你們. 真的很想你們.

想念家裡的一人一物.

想念爸爸媽媽姐姐. 狗狗.
鋼琴. 古箏.
那大大的床.

家人溫暖的懷抱.

家裡的一切, 一切...

偶爾在大街上聞到爸爸或媽媽的香水味.
不自覺的尋覓著. 那熟悉的味道.
我, 真的想你們了.

我們不做朋友了好嗎?

最近很喜歡拍天空.

覺得它總是變幻莫測.

很漂亮.

心情不好的時候, 總喜歡望著天空發呆.

它好像有一種魔力, 把落寞的心情掃掉.

偶爾一個人, 並不壞.

只是偶爾一個人的時間長了, 會有種落寞的感覺.

會回頭望望自己走過的路, 想起以前的種種回憶.

以前的自己, 曾經很天真的以為很多事情.

以為寬恕能改變一個人, 但真的錯了.

遇上了一個人從來不會回頭看回自己所犯的錯, 一而再地犯了又犯錯的人.

死性不改.

一直一直地在傷害身邊的人.

我放棄了.

對不起, 朋友這個東西, 我和你之間是不再有可能了.

我受不起這個稱號.

請你離開我的世界, 不要再傷害我身邊其他的朋友了.

挑撥離間. 是只有幼稚的人才會做的事情.

請你滾得遠遠地...

眼淚始終都會幹的.
人始終都該學會堅強些.

至親愛的你,

在這幾個月裡, 我熬過了我這二十年裡暫時最難熬的日子.

沒有你的存在, 我依然站得穩穩的.

沒有你的消息, 我依然可以過得很快樂.

謝謝你讓我看清你的真面目.

你讓我學會堅強些.

你讓我學會現實些.

你讓我領悟到, 這個世界沒有說誰沒了誰, 就活不下去這個道理.

偶爾還會想起我們之間的回憶.

只覺得好可惜.

不好意思, 我小氣了.

但, 我們不要做朋友了, 好嗎?

你總是那麼一個爽快的人, 我想, 你會答應的.
你, 要永遠快樂哦. =)

這世界上總有一個人, 把你傷得很深, 讓你瞬間長大.
我想, 你就是那一個了.

Worst disaster in my life.

Miss home.

After this incident, worst, in my whole 20 years..

I knew.. How important is family to me. The tie between us.

How tough is that to overcome all these shit that I created.

Thanks for being all by my side.

Things happen to make us realize how important is to have those people all by your side and make everything okay.

Make you have the strength to continue and persist.

Hold you with all their strength, to make sure you don't fall apart.

I love you. Love you all with all my heart.

Thanks for keeping me from falling apart.

I LOVE YOU ALL.

Miss my pups as well.

My cute pups.

Happy.

Poppy.

Healthy.

Lucky.

 

Miss their tiny soft paws. =)

Miss my dears. Part of my dear. Love you all.

Miss you all.

Heart you all.

And lastly, to my daddy.

I'm sorry.

Really sorry.

I just want to tell you, I'm sorry.

And.

I miss you.

Really.

And.

I love you, daddy.

First time in my life, created such a 'disaster'.

First time in my life, I did not tell all my dearest friends that I've created all these shit.

Not a thing to boast around.

I use to tell all my friends what had happened.

Tell the whole world.

But this round.

I felt such a disgrace on my own.

But after this round, I'm gonna change.

Totally change.

Words to my family.

I don't want to make you guys down anymore.

Mummy, you've sacrifice way too much for me.

I love you. Love you loads.

Forgiveness is what I need and what I get.

I love you all. Really much..

Winnie.

面对

害怕的不是即将面对的抉择.
害怕的是, 全世界对自己信心满满的, 我却都令他们失望了.
害怕的是看见他们那失望的表情.

不是表现得不惶恐.
而是觉得自己是时候面对事实了.
自己做错事, 就得去承担那个后果.
管他的.. 给人瞧不起还是什么.
路是自己走的.
别人瞧不起, 唾弃你, 你还是得自己继续往前走.

亲爱的你. 谢谢你给我一个次机会去实践我的梦想.
也许像你说的一样.
没有那么大个头, 就别去戴那么大顶的帽.
谢谢你曾经给我的那次机会.
我自认为我有好好把握但抱歉, 令你们失望了.

这是我人生中, 活了二十年来,
这次暂时是跌落最谷底中的谷底的时候.
感谢那些一路陪我走过这些难熬的日子.
你们都是很棒的家人朋友.

虽然短暂拥有, 但依然快乐.
知足. 感恩.

亲爱的你们. 谢谢了.
与你们在一起的时间虽然短暂, 但日子过得很充实很快乐.
感谢我遇见了你们.
谢谢你们在课业上的帮忙与支持.
要好好加油. :)