成事不足, 敗事有餘.

我是個成事不足, 敗事有餘的傢伙.
自問自己令身邊的人失望了無數次.
有時候真的很懷疑自己所做的決定.
之前一直在想, 過來這裡是不是一個很錯的決定, 果然.
事實證明了我真的錯得徹底.
現在我真的不知道我該怎麼辦..
很沒有方向, 很無助.
真該死的我....
是該繼續留下或離開?
也許也輪不到我決定吧..
愚蠢的我. 愚蠢的鄭韻妮.

Big Mama and Kiddos

Had Peking duck yesterday at Old Kingdom.

Craved for a long time and finally. 

Delicious!

Still craving for it after eating it.

It's just way too delicious.

Say hi to fats! :)

And next, Dessert Story.

My favorite. D.E.S.S.E.R.T!

Irresistible to dessert.

Fats fats fats....

Brunch at Racer Cafe along St Kilda beach.

Went to Green's house today.

Accompanied her to pack her luggage.

Did not help her much.

Made smoothies using the leftover yogurt, milk and vanilla ice cream.

After helping out with some household chores, slept at her sofa till 6 something.

Was too tired.

Did not manage to sleep properly these few days.

Insomnia.

Super vanilla milky smoothie.

Like a big mama, went to the airport to send this three kiddos off.

Have a safe flight my dear!

Enjoy your time in Malaysia.

Help me eat my char kuey teow, curry mee, nasi lemak, etc etc..

Aiks..

I wanted to go home so badly.

Nearly cried when I walk to the bus stop alone.

 

Will miss you guys much.
See ya all next year!
I think I won't be sleeping well these few days.
Will be missing those snoring, mumbling and etc etc.
Haha.
Happy sad holiday... :')

My new idol. 2AM Changmin. :)
Super like him.
Like his voice and everything.
The emotion and expression while he is singing, how he joke on variety shows.. everything.
He likes to cook as well.
I think I'm crazy about him. :(

Went to Proud Mary Coffee Roasters and Cafe for brunch today.

Tried their Crispy Pork Belly Sandwich and Potato Hash.

Super delicious!

Like the atmosphere as well.

Say hi to fats! :)

Gym, gym, gym.

Changmin's voice motivates me to run.

Oh good lord. I think I'm crazy.

Went to St Kilda again. 

It's perfect to have my favorite hot chocolate at my favorite spot I guess.
The Gourmet Salmon Pizza is delicious as well.

Till now, I'm still thinking if I've made the right choice.
Sometimes, I feel that I'm so selfish.
Is this really what I want?
Is it correct to be here?
Questions with no solutions.
Well..
I miss home. Very much.
I miss daddy who likes to nag at us, mummy who cooks delicious foods for us, both sis who love me till like there's no tomorrow.
But since I've made my decision to stay here, I'll strive, to stay.
I love you all.

Tee Win Nie, you can do it.
Right?

Don't stop smiling.
Everything will be alright.
Maybe not now, but eventually.

Thanks for motivating me.
I miss you. So much.
Love you. :)

La Vida - CTG Reunion Dinner - Charmaine's big day

Went to La Vida on Friday night.

Saw a lot of people dressed up for Halloween.

Saw Mario, Bruce Lee, zoombie and etc.

But did not really manage to enjoy the atmosphere there.

Sorry Jel, should not drag you there. 

Make you guys quarrel. Felt damn bad.

Sorry! :( 

The next day, another 'random' day.

Decided to go to the CTG's reunion dinner.

And the next day, Charmaine's birthday!

Went to buy her present but failed to. Shop closed after we walk out to Typo to get her birthday card.

Had dinner at a korean bbq restaurant. Then 'randomness' came again. Went to karaoke till 3 and walked back home. It's 5a.m now and I'm still widely awake, writing this post.

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Two unexpected things happened.

After the CTG's reunion dinner, went to Joomak.

Was charging my phone at another table, and the Korean guy, the one which I took photo with during my birthday celebration, TALKED TO ME!

Was quite shocked.

He is so friendly! :)

Next. Went home around 3 plus in the morning if I'm not wrong and slept around 5.30a.m.

And guess what!

I dreamt bout TOP!

For the whole day, I was thinking bout the dream.

I guess I'm going crazy. :(

5.09a.m now. Really need to get some sleep.

Having a simple lunch with Khai Ean, our publicity manager tomorrow as it is her birthday.

*Noticed that many people's birthday falls on October including me. :)

外婆

外婆去世了.

接到電話的時候, 心, 冷了一半.
抱歉, 不能參與你的喪禮.

流了一整天的淚.
做不了什麼, 覺得好無助.
謝謝你給過的美好. 

以前小時候, 煮飯給我們吃. 教會我朗誦潮州詩. 我沖涼的時候靜靜坐在我床上等我, 陪我. 很有耐心地等我們幫你沖涼. 晚飯後牽著你的手散步. 牽著你的手上樓梯等等, 等等..
不知道為什麼, 從以前就有一種感覺告訴我, 你不會離開我的.

但其實, 那個想法真的很愚蠢.

對我來說, 就算做足了心理準備, 還是接受不了.

外婆, 我愛你.

每天起床都會問我自己, 你真的走了?
但這個答案, 永遠都不會改變.

是, 你走了....

還記得你身上的味道, 吻你額頭的感覺, 牽著你手的感覺, 抱著你的感覺....

像是昨日才發生的事情..

想你了, 外婆. 

20th Birthday.

Oh gosh. I'm 20.
Time to grow up.

No more childish act!! :(

Home made cake baked by lovely friends!
Thanks!! *hugs*

Liteng, Charmaine, Jelicia, Green & Jia!

Thanks for everything! Seriously.

Celebrated my birthday in Joomak.

Had a wonderful time with you guys!

Thanks for the surprise party and present and everything! :)

Thanks for remembering the flavour of the cake that I missed!

Delicious and touched!

Crazy night. :)

Missed my family much. :(
Well, first birthday without them by my side.

Hmm...

Miss Rainbow and Gaga too.
Last year........ Memorable year. :)

Miss you guys much! :(

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曾經不覺得世界有多複雜..
但如今, 領悟了好多東西.
人心叵測.
單純的友誼, 是否還存在.
但願一切不是我想像中的糟糕.

不喜歡句句帶刺的話語.
很令人反感.
掛在臉上的笑容, 連我自己都覺得好虛假.
好想快點投回家人的懷抱裡.

就算哭著, 痛了, 累了, 我還是會硬著頭皮熬過去.
沒有人規定路一定要笑著走完.

有時候我會在想, 是不是自己太自私了.
為了自己的夢想, 不顧他人的感受.
結果傷人又傷己.

想家了

想家了. 一年三個月沒得回家.
有家歸不得的感受真的.. 很難受.

聽著朋友們興奮地談論著購買回家的機票, 哪個航空什麼的, 回去要吃什麼去哪裡, 好無奈.

家, 好像很遙不可及的感覺.
在這段時間裡會發生什麼事, 誰也說不定.
但我知道, 我將會失去一些什麼...
外婆, 我愛你. 真的. 愛你..

當我開玩笑問媽媽我偷偷回去馬來西亞, 你來找我好嗎的時候,
媽媽很愧疚地一直向我說抱歉.
媽, 做錯事的人是我, 不是你, 不要對我說對不起好嗎?
該說對不起的人是我.
是我不對. 該死的我不對.
對不起... 真的對不起.
你沒有連累我. 是我害了我自己.
害我自己有家歸不得似的.
該死的我. 真的. 該死的我.

我想你們. 真的很想你們.

想念家裡的一人一物.

想念爸爸媽媽姐姐. 狗狗.
鋼琴. 古箏.
那大大的床.

家人溫暖的懷抱.

家裡的一切, 一切...

偶爾在大街上聞到爸爸或媽媽的香水味.
不自覺的尋覓著. 那熟悉的味道.
我, 真的想你們了.