Will it be different?

Sometimes I'll think, will it make any difference if I'm still at Melbourne?
Will I be happier?
I'm not sure.
Sometimes, I'm just tired.
Sometimes, I feel like dying.
The thought of everything, I'm going through, I've been through, and things that I haven't go through.
Makes me tired.
I'm tired of everything.
In some point of life, you will see the truth of everything.
You'll see the true colors of your so called once a 'close friend', and even the true face of people who so call closed to you. Even people you trust the most, people who you loved the most.
Your heart just crippled, tore into pieces or even burnt into bits.
But then you're still alive, here, sitting in front of your laptop and blog about it.
This is why human is so great. God created people who have strong willpower enough to overcome all these.

If I sit down quietly and don't feel like talking, yes, don't disturb me.
This means that I don't have the mood to play or talk with you. So just leave me alone.
I'm tired of all these shit.
So please leave me alone.
I just need some space, some privacy. Just like when you are in a bad mood, you'll lock yourself up in your room. It's just the same thing. So please please please leave me alone.

I'm truly disappointed. Your words really hurts me badly.
Maybe I'm too sensitive.
But did you think of that before?
I don't have friends like you do you know.
Which friend will ever know how I feel? I mean, truly know how I feel.
Whenever I mentioned things that relates back to I miss Melbourne or I wanna go back to Melbourne, everyone will just say don't think about it, or whatever.
Since I don't really have any friends in Monash, I rely on you guys a lot you know. A LOT.
Because you guys are my family.
I know all of you will back me up whenever I'm falling.
But maybe because of this, I became more sensitive.
This makes me care more about the words you say or the way you talk.
And, I'm really disappointed.

The way you talk today hurts me badly.
I respect you as a sister and always treat you at my best.
But today, finally I know, that I'm such a burden to you.
Sorry to be such a burden.

Sometimes I feel like disappearing.
I wonder if it will be different if I'm not around.